Andi

'Andi' was originally part of 'Silly Men', but gets a post all to herself. She more than deserves it.

In her sixties, it was still easy to see the vestiges of great good looks. I would say that once you got to know her, looked at her home and surroundings, it was even easier to see the beauty, the romance, the passion of her soul. It's amazing how many men don't know what to look for. She was quite down on her own appearance, but at the same time was proud of her daughter and granddaughter--which was almost laughable were it not so sad, because they both looked just like Andi. And they are beautiful, attractive women!

I know that Andi was divorced around forty, and she told me that the first thing that she did was go out and buy a leather jacket with a fur collar. That combination speaks broadly, of her innate passion, femininity and sensuality.

A retired school teacher, one night she and I sat for hours on her front porch in the dark, talking. She is a leader of her church, indeed I could hear in her voice the depth what it meant to her when she said that she was "born again".

Yet I also remember how one afternoon a group of us were joking about going to a strip bar, and someone told her that she would have to get up and dance. She laughed and said that she would, but that people would probably run away when she took off her clothes.

Later, when she and I stepped outside, I told her that I wouldn't have run away. An assertation not entirely noble. She laughed again, and I remember that she murmured something about "doing it before it's too late". But then Andi surprised me when she shot back that if she got up and danced, then I'd have to do so as well.

Then, as if suddenly realizing what she just said, I watched her withdraw back into herself...

So Andi and I sat into the night that summer eve talking, drinking Diet Pepsi. She had some mini-lights in her garden (another way to see the passion and romance of a woman's soul-just look at her garden), and a small fountain bubbling. It was quiet and peaceful, and she shared with me a secret that she thought she'd never tell anyone else.

I had asked her another...what was her secret fantasy. The secret that she did tell me, she said, was even more personal, and I'll hold that confidence completely. Yet what she refused to share with me was the secret, the nature of her passion, a clue to her honest sexuality, deepest sensuality.

I didn't prompt her, didn't push her, I was willing to allow Andi the time and space to open herself to me. Yet she didn't and perhaps there was a reason for that. It might simply have been too personal. Maybe she thought it was just too risqué, too..."kinky". Perhaps in some dimension she was attracted to me, and afraid to admit it, afraid of some subtle rejection.

Was it so hard for Andi to believe that she was an attractive, interesting, even sexy woman? What kind of damage did her husband, the other men in her life do to her?

And just how many women out there are similarly...disserviced?