Independence!

Hmmm...so, what else should I do for Independence Day? Declare my independence?

It's time for a momentary pause, as I ponder exactly where to go next with this thread. So I thought and considered (while I stall), and decided what I may as well tell you.

What's this really all about?

Hey, I suppose that there is really no reason to confuse you. Let's just say that I have had a number of odd incidents in my life that I have tended to label "anomalies" --that's a key phrase. And I suppose that they really are far more than that, I just haven't wanted to admit it. And to me, they are signs that not only am I unhappy, but so were (and quite likely are) each of the respective people involved.

And I know some of this far too well. I suppose that I'm moderately empathetic, I feel people's pain too well, and too often. Sometimes I allow their pain to dictate my own actions, seriously to my own detriment. Yet really, who and what am I writing about?

I suppose that it all begins a very long time ago. I can tell you that there was Kay, the pianist and church organist who offered me something special...and I can't see what it was that she needed from me. But of course, it didn't really begin with her, because while I was raised in a conservative Church and family, there was always something different about me. I was chaste, innocent and naive...and yet I wasn't.

At the same time that I was struggling to get girls my age interested in my gawkiness, well nigh to seventeen before I got my first kiss. Two years before that awkward event I had a grown woman, 'Elaine' (perhaps written later)...well, let's just say that she decided to display her interest incontrovertably. Some people might consider this fantasy or even bragging, but by the time I was eighteen, well before 'Kay', two mature, attractive, married women had already made serious passes at me. And the stupid thing? I was almost entirely oblivious to their interest--and I hadn't even managed to go parking with a girl yet! So Kay, a beautiful and gentle artist, is entirely her own story. And the one that I chose to begin with.

Don't get me wrong, I like women. I've dated women as much as twenty-five years older than me, and fifteen years younger. I simply enjoy being with women, on every level. I savor them at every opportunity. No that I have taken that many opportunities--as 'Sharon' should have told you.

Perhaps the most important is 'Veronica', a beautiful, intelligent lady who was the first woman with whom I was intimate with to any degree. Somewhat older than I, she took great joy in our relationship. Trust me, I did as well. I have to admit that it hurt me to know that she could be so dramatically sensuous and passionate with me at night...then be so torn by guilt at Church the next morning. And she, most certainly, is all her own story.

I'll also have to mention 'Constance', whose deep and powerful romance and passion I glimpsed beyond a conservative exterior, and 'Pam', a tomboy who was a wealth and breadth of surprises. And who knows what other surprises may emerge...

Then there is the fact that I listen well, that people open up and talk with me about things they wouldn't dream of telling anyone else. More on that...before too long.

The big question, of course, is how do Christianity and sexuality really fit together, when placed in a practical perspective? I have a feeling that's a big question for a lot of people. It has been for me--all too often.

So many ghosts...it's time for a little resolution.

Happy Independence Day!